Unitarian Universalist Hysterical Society
Inherent mirth and dignity
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Bylaws

Society Bylaws

Bylaws, as drafted using UUA guidelines for emerging congregations and communities, with a touch of help from the Cambridge Platform:


Purpose

The purpose of the UU Hysterical Society shall be as follows:

a) to be funny.

b) to be funny without being jerks.

c) to create UU religious community without involving emails.

Statement of Faith

We have tremendous faith in statements. Accordingly, we spend much time making, drafting, revising, and voting on them.

Denominational Affiliation

As a proud product of Canadian Unitarianism, the UUHS has been created with neither the knowledge or consent of the Canadian Unitarian Council.

Non-Discrimination Clause

We affirm the full participation of all persons (and all dogs, but only certain cats. Also, unicorns*). We affirm this participation inclusive of race, colour, creed, sex, gender, sexual preference, orientation, family composition, disability, national origin, or corporeal privilege.

We reserve the right to discriminate based on the overuse of reply all in email threads.

That said, if your identity is tied up in the rampant selling of sunglasses, you are out. Also, if your religion is complaining about the PC police, you might be happier elsewhere.

*Unicorns participate in our community at their own risk.

Seek just funny jokes, love kind of weird committees, and walk humerously
— AJ VanTine

Membership

Membership in the UU Hysterical Society is obtained upon requesting to join our email list, or the Facebook group. Following this, the new member must go through the coffee baptism and sacred reciting of the acronyms. Note: We do not check up on this last part.

Re-membership

Re-membership in the Society occurs the first time we piss you off. You will think “I thought UU’s were better than this”, and that is when we will demonstrate that we do not have the corner on “better than”. We are exactly the same amount of better than as all the other humans, and about 60% as much better than as the average canine. We WILL piss you off. And then, you get to decide if you’re going to stay in and listen and speak vulnerably and we work it out, or if this isn’t the group for you. Either is okay. We’re not for everyone, and we’re okay with that.

Membership removal

Membership removal shall be determined by heart-felt discernment. Which means, if your participation gives Liz heartburn, she will remove you.

Boringness Tithe

Only 10% of the activates of the society may be boring.

General Meetings of the Society

Calling of meeting: All notices of meeting shall be sent via carrier pigeon. No, wait, carrier Unicorn. Wing-ed carrier Unicorn. Which will not even come to your house because everyone knows that vegetarians eat vegetables, and Unitarians eat Unicorns. Universalists eat EVERYTHING, and Unitarian Universalists eat EVERY UNICORN. So, you are probably not going to get the notification because Unicorns are wise to your ways (that is why you have never seen one). Be honest… you didn’t really want to go to another meeting, anyway.

Quorum for Meetings: Shall just be Liz. We are not sure why Liz gets to make all the decisions in an alleged democracy, but we’re pretty sure it’s something to do with the electoral college.

Adjourning of Meetings: All meetings shall be adjourned by discussing at great length whether or not motions to adjourn require a second. All members present shall make speeches as to why they know more about Robert’s Rules than other members, the chair shall make an arbitrary ruling, and then everyone shall gripe about said ruling over coffee afterwards.

Governing structure

We are very big on governing structure. As in, we govern our structures, so that they don’t get too big, because Cancerous Structures Kill Fun.

That said, structure shall exist briefly, as needed. Only after we have asked ourselves “Do we actually need this or are we using ‘more structure’ as a substitute for courage to have difficult conversations?”

Minutes

We shall make every minute count.

Freedom of the pulpit

You know what never works? Humour by committee.

Statements of the UUHS, either on the Facebook group or the website, reflect the views of the speaker/sharer, and sometimes, not even that (upon close reflection). We do our best to create careful content, and we are at peace with screwing that up sometimes. We see changing course as an indication of growth, not an indication of moral frailty. For evidence of our moral frailty, please see our predisposition towards terrible puns.

Compassion of the pulpit

When we have to choose between free speech and compassion, we choose the latter. A funny joke is not more important than someone’s feelings.

Humility of the pulpit

When someone tells us a joke hurts them, as a general rule we shall assume that they know more about what they find hurtful than we do. Often, things stay up and we have a good conversation and a Teachable Moment, but for some people life is Teachable Moment Palooza, and we do not feel they owe us their wisdom or time.

Bored of Trustees

President: Sorry for some reason we are allergic to the word “president” and can’t even discuss it.

Vice-President: Oh god, that’s who takes over if the president is impeached. Oh god oh god oh god…

Secretary: We prefer “office administrator”.

Treasurer: We prefer “capitalism monitor”.

Members-at-large: This position exists purely for threat value. If you complain, we shall put you on the Board.

Budget

All monies earned by the Hysterical Society shall be spent on web hosting, and development of hilarious and useful products to foster the development of UU culture. Should we ever turn a profit, that would be spent on Liz’s groceries. Said groceries would be organic, fair trade, and vegan. In the event of Liz just buying Kraft Dinner and watching Netflix, Liz shall be ordered to spend time in email purgatory to atone for said breach of conduct.

Real Property

Real property is so 90’s.

Ammendments

Amend-mints shall be sold in tins, in the UUHS store when it gets up and running. Get your breath minty-fresh for the annual meeting of your local congregation!

Admonishments

In keeping with congregational polity as laid out in the Cambridge Platform (Boo-yah), admonish-mints (also to be sold in tins) shall be handed out to peoples and institutions engaging in minor breach of moral conduct, with shunning reserved for only the most serious situations.

Shunning

Shunning is for punning.